Vulnerability: A Pathway to Connection

By: Nicolette Machado, LCSW

“What makes you vulnerable makes you beautiful.” – Brene Brown

If you search the internet for quotes about authenticity, you are sure to find a myriad of powerful quotes pulled from the pages written by author, professor, and sociological researcher Brene Brown who has spent the past two decades studying courage, vulnerability, shame, and empathy.

Undoubtedly, we won’t find one among us that escapes thoughts and feelings of insecurity. Whether we are overly critical of our appearance, the choices we’ve made or the way we preform the various roles in our lives, we all have insecurities and we all work to hid them from others.  We’ve all pondered the question of whether or not we are acceptable to others or could be accepted by others if we are fully seen and known. Vulnerability is often thought of as a difficult emotion and most times we avoid falling into this place by armoring ourselves.

When it comes to avoiding the discomfort that comes with vulnerability, we might find ourselves numbing, perfecting, blaming, or controlling. As I was preparing this article, I found myself deleting, re-typing, and combing through the words over and over again, all in an effort to produce the most perfect piece. Without awareness, I found myself caught in the trap of wanting to produce a piece so flawless there couldn’t be one criticism, one judgement, or one bad review. Then it came to me, by putting so much effort into these avoidance strategies, I was inhibiting my view of the good that vulnerability could bring me through this writing – creativity, connection, and trust.  Avoidance of vulnerability inhibited my ability to see it as the source of goodness.  When we are being vulnerable, we are most certainly going to feel uncomfortable and learning to deal with the discomfort is important.  While vulnerability is certainly the partner of difficult emotions, it is also the pathway to positive emotion – belonging, joy, love, hope.

Vulnerability requires courage and compassion.  To be vulnerable is to be courageous. When we are being courageous, we are taking on the presence or risk of painful emotions for the chance of gaining something greater. It is a sign of strength when we can accept that we are in pain and it is healthier to allow ourselves to acknowledge and feel these emotions than it is to hold them in, attempting to convince ourselves and others that we are fine. The real truth is we aren’t truly being vulnerable if we can’t get hurt in the process.

Compassion is to recognize suffering and take action. It represents a tangible expression of love for the sufferer. While compassion for others can at times come easily, compassion for self is just as important. Compassion and love requires us to let go of ideal versions of ourselves and others and start embracing truth.  

Likely, one of the most profound illustrations of vulnerability is Jesus at the moment of his crucifixion. Naked, nailed to the cross, arms stretched out and immobilized, bare footed, barely clothed and positioned high above for all to see. As he hangs, fully exposed, being mocked for his earthly efforts, Jesus is the epitome of vulnerability – selfless, holding nothing back, open, loving and the picture of total submission to God and to others.

Jesus lived the truth. In the face of disbelief, scrutiny, abuse and mockery, he gave us nothing but authenticity from the moment he was born into the world until he died on the cross. He gave us every ounce of himself and through his vulnerability we can come into a greater love, a deeper understanding and an unparalleled connection with Him.

As Christians, we are called to vulnerability. In fact, we were created for the purpose of connection to God and others, and vulnerability is the pathway for achieving that purpose.

Believe that you are enough.  Love with your whole-heart. Have the courage to be you. Show compassion for yourself and for others. Surrender fully to God.

“Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me.  But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.  That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.”

A Letter from Saint Paul to the Corinthians 12:8-10