Is it Psychologically Healthy to Love your Neighbor as Yourself?

By Dr. Peter Martin, PsyD

“And one of them, a doctor of the law, asked him, tempting him: Master, which is the greatest commandment in the law? Jesus said to him: Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with thy whole heart, and with thy whole soul, and with thy whole mind. This is the greatest and the first commandment. And the second is like to this: Thou shalt love thy neighbor as thyself. On these two commandments dependeth the whole law and the prophets.” (Matthew 22: 35-40).

Most of us have heard this passage at one point or another in our lives. It may even hold that kind of familiarity that leads us to tune it out on some level as tired, old information. If someone tells me that 2 + 2 = 4, I recognize it as familiar and true, but I’m not likely to spend the rest of my day—or even the rest of that minute—contemplating this fact. As with every line of scripture, however, there is much to be gained from further meditation on Christ’s words about the two greatest commandments. In particular, it is the last two words of the second commandment that I would like to focus on here: “as thyself.” Throughout my clinical work, I have often experienced a mixture of admiration and sadness for the way that people relate to themselves and others: Admiration because they are often selfless and compassionate towards others; sadness because they are often unable to apply these qualities to themselves. Among the many reasons for this, one that is most common is a sense that others deserve compassion and patience, but that applying these things to oneself would be selfish, morally lax, or even an obstacle to charity. Jesus’ response to the lawyer, however, would indicate otherwise. Implicit in his response is the fact that we are called to love ourselves commensurately with how we love others. As Dom Eugene Boylan, OCR (1945) notes in his insightful work, This Tremendous Lover:

“If we examine this precept of love we shall find that the obligation, while extensive, is by no means insupportable. For though we are to love the members of Christ as He did, we must note that we ourselves are also members of Christ, and therefore we are bound to love ourselves in a truly supernatural fashion.”

This is not to say that there is any kind of moral culpability in the negative and self-critical thoughts that often occur in the context of depression, anxiety, or other mental health challenges (assuming the absence of consent of the will). Rather, Christ’s summary of “the whole law and the prophets” stands as a reminder that we are called to radical charity not only towards God and our neighbor, but towards ourselves as well.

From both a spiritual and psychological perspective, it may be helpful to sometimes observe your own internal narrative and the ways that you tend to speak to yourself. Ask yourself: “would I be speaking in a loving or charitable way were I to say this to a friend?” Even more pointedly, “would Christ say these things to me if we were conversing right now?” If the answer to either question is no, try to imagine what Christ might say to you or what you might say to a close friend. The more we learn to effectively do this, the more likely we are to mature both psychologically and spiritually. With time and practice, such a reflection may help us to truly love ourselves; not in a selfish or indulgent way, but in the way that we are called to – as Christ does.