What is Love?

Dr. Courtney K. Miller

It is about balance in our lives. We as human beings are made for connection and for care of one another. Connection and care do not have to be big gestures, but are often best communicated through small acts of kindness. It is about being attuned to the needs of others, whether it is someone close to us or someone we do not know very well or even at all.  A smile and helping hand are a universal language. It is about offering a gift of yourself to another, without any expectation of anything in return.

When we are able to get outside of ourselves, we regain control. We shift our focus from a passive state to an active, doing state. We know physiologically that any form of physical activity boosts the brain's dopamine, norepinephrine, and serotonin levels, reducing anxiety, depression, and negative mood and improving self-esteem and cognitive function.  Involvement in new activities can also alleviate symptoms such as low self-esteem and social withdrawal.

The pandemic has highlighted the need for a culture of care. We have needed to depend on others now more than previously, recognizing we cannot do this alone. By increasing involvement and engagement with others, we share the burden. We find we are not alone in our struggles, our fears. We find strength in relationships with others and the courage to continue to persevere and to hold fast to our faith. 

Again, we all desire human connection. We are made for love and for care of one another. Having another person take a caring interest in our lives allows us to feel valued, appreciated, loved. It reminds us that we are special and beautiful, as each of us is made in the likeness and image of God. We have a purpose. All of us benefit from having another person take a caring interest in us. Often when we come back to the basics, we find we have all we need.

In counseling, we often speak about self-care as well. It is important that we examine our own care, particularly during this stressful, uncertain time, in order to best care for others. We need to attend to our needs across these areas of well-being:  physical, psychological, emotional, spiritual, relationship, and workplace care. Often our own self-care involves reaching out to others for support, being humble enough to ask for help when needed, which in turns gives the gift of God's grace to the helping individual. 

“It is not the magnitude of our actions but the amount of love that is put into them that matters.”
—St. Mother Teresa